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My sub conscious mind kept asking questions for which there was no answer.For the first six months after our separation she tried to call me a number of times. If she left a message, I erased it. If I answered and I heard her voice, I hung up. It was a matter of self defense. I knew, despite everything, that I still loved her. She knew how to get to me and I didn't want that. My dignity, pride and self respect depended on my staying strong. I couldn't let her hurt me again. The less angry I became, the more vulnerable I felt. My love for her had not died, but I could not be with her. After the divorce was final, she gave up and stopped calling.What was she going to say? I love you, it was just sex, honey, I'm a nympho manic, he drugged me and forced himself on me four years in a row ... I didn't want to hear it.She signed the papers and didn't show up at the final hearing. It was just as well. I didn't want or need to see her again. It was impossible to tell if her absence indicated. "A student raised his hand."Perhaps the poor indulge in large families as a gesture of accomplishment," he said. "It is the one function they can perform without training. It's like they feel they might not be able to work their way up to a position of social eminence, or professional respectability, so they prove themselves biologically instead of intellectually."The instructor laughed. "Interesting, but I don't think valid, in view of research. Most economically deprived fathers are more interested in satisfying their sex drive than their urge for social recognition."The young man was not to be put off."What about the kids, though?" he persisted. "I've talked to some who feel they've really made it when they can ball a rich chick instead of someone in their own neighborhood. And there're lots of girls from Grosse Pointe who'll go with a guy from a poor neighborhood because of the kicks involved. You know, the idea of slumming, of being manhandled forcibly to satisfy some masochistic.
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