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”The bartender poured him another beer.A few minutes later, the man said for a third time: “Give me a beer before the arguments start.”Thoroughly confused, the bartender said: “Excuse me, when are you going to pay for all these beers?”The man said: “Now the arguments start.”A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket.They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years and then finally dies.A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony, the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch the wall!”Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?”. I was impressed that Centennial even had a doctor, but I sensed that he was old and not really practicing much medicine anymore.“Look at my baby, Mama. Isn’t she beautiful?”“Well, she will be after we clean her up a little,” Laramie laughed.“I never thought I’d have a baby, Mama. I’m thirty-five years old. And then Robert came along.”“He means well,” Laramie said. I wasn’t sure she was that pleased about her son-in-law. “He just isn’t that dependable. The doctor would have been here in plenty of time if he hadn’t insisted on finishing the chores first. You know you’ll have to raise this little girl mostly yourself, baby.”“Just like you raised me, Mama. I knew what I was getting into.”“And what is the name of this little treasure? She’s trying to get her lips around your fat teat. Help her a little.”“Ow! Oh, she’s gonna be a handful. I’ll name her Mildred after Robert’s mother. Write it in the Bible, Mama.”“I’m ready to take a little walk right now, baby. We’ll clean the two of you up.
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