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Sister Faith doted on Doctor McCauley and encouraged him to be their physician on the estate since he was enamored of her skillful sensuality and obedient submission to his naughty demands. After such a long time at sea, the mature man was more than willing to assume health care duties in a well-appointed estate in the country tending primarily to nubile young females.They took refuge for the night at a large seaside resort on the coast with Charity arranging for the rooms for all of them. Their group took all of the rooms on the top floor of the scenic resort and they were able to take advantage of the beach and the cabanas provided for the comfort of the guests. It was a foregone conclusion that Faith was in the same room as Doctor McCauley since neither of them had any motivation to hide their relationship. He spent a good portion of the evening hours giving the pretty young girl a complete medical examination and when he was fully finished, he was able to pronounce her fit as a. I didn't care.Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories.
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