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It was going to be a good night. With any luck, tonight would be the night I'd pick someone up at the club. I was still a "virgin", but every time I strutted my stuff, I got closer and closer.What I really wanted was to turn on a man so much that he'd take me. And I mean *TAKE* me. I wanted to feel his hands clasp my arms, draw me toward him, and plunge his manhood into me.Maybe tonight would be the night. I kept hoping, and I kept dressing more erotically, more explicitly. Eventually, someone would want me.I drove into the city, and scoured the area for a parking space. I decided that I wanted to flash a little before getting to the club, so I parked about 10 or 15 blocks away. It would also give me a chance to get used to these shoes again; I hadn't worn them in a while.It worked. I saw a few men watching me appreciatively as I walked by. Since it was time for many of the theaters in the area to start their shows, the crowd on the street was was elegant. Yum.The crowd at the club. She needed to be totally committed. She needed me to be totally committed, as well. We both knew I wasn't, and thus there was still an element of fear in her submission. She was not afraid that I would intentionally harm her. She knew that if I ever did harm her physically, I would curl up and die of shame and guilt. What she feared was that I would hurt her unintentionally, and not just physically. That was because in terms of what we were entering into, I was just plain stupid and ignorant. I had no idea of her limits. I didn't know the path, as Amud called it, or where it went or why.I was determined to change that. I had to take away her fear — and my own terror, as well. To do that, I had to 'experience the path' myself, as Amud had said. It had taken me a long time to figure out what he meant. I may be slow, but I get there eventually. It took even longer to admit to myself that I could do what he meant. But I think I had always known what I would have to do and that,.
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