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Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and. Of course I am, I ... I just haven't gotten over being scared yet, give me a little time and I'll have my hot tight little cunny all juiced up for you. I'll fuck you real good too, you'll see. I'll fuck you better than any other girl you can find. It'll be you and me, Pete. We'll make a great team."She wasn't used to being on the receiving end of any bad situation - she was hot and popular. Pete, on the other hand, was a nerdy loser. There was no way she was going to lose to the likes of him regardless of whatever power he had stumbled into - it just wasn't the way the world worked. Winning was what people like her did, and losing was what people like Pete did. She would just have to play along until she could figure out a way to get the upper hand."You really think you can fool me?" Pete said scornfully, having picked the developing plot out of the beautiful cheerleader's mind as easily as a migrant farm worker picks an orange. Of course the farm worker wouldn't have to be migrant.
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