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"So, how are you doing today", I asked. "Fine," she replied. "I didn't ask how you looked, I asked how you were," as I immediately regretted using that line.She giggled in response has I realized I dodge a major bullet there."So I wanted to ask you if you were seeing anyone, because true be told I've been crushing on you for a few years now" Sam spoke so softly the words almost sputtered from her mouth.Realizing this amazing beautiful woman just practically asked me out had my mind spinning. I couldn't believe my luck. In a poor attempt to keep my cool I said "I've felt the same for a while but being with that bitch made it kind of difficult to have much of a social life with gorgeous women like you,". I realized I wanted to lean in and kiss so bad but right as I built up the courage the was a ring at the door bell."Yo, what's up Sam, hey JT, why you here so early," our mutual coworker asked."I came to help set up," I replied knowing I lost my shot. Later in the night as the party. I guessed in a way, we're sort of like anarchists, or separatists. Or was there a better term for it?I'm ashamed to say that I was the direct opposite of Lydia when it comes to life and death. Where she celebrates life, I celebrate death. Where she always favoured life, I constantly sought death. I never did find out why I was like this, to see life as cheap and unworthy of treading on. To constantly seek my own end, repeatedly and without remorse. Maybe I'm just weird, maybe I'm one of those not suitable for a life in the fast lane.Regardless, it didn't change the fact that I attempted suicide many times. Often, for some very simple reasons, such as failing an exam, running on debts, dumped by my boyfriend and even having a B- in one of my subjects. I've tried many methods of suicide, but unfortunately, either it didn't work, or I was too chicken to do it.I've learnt from experience that a simple intention for suicide is not enough to end your life. You need to be in extreme pain and.
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