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"Erica... Erica!?" Julia shouted at him.He jerked his head towards her, startled, like he had been suddenlyyanked out of a dream."You okay?" she asked."Yeah... um... sure," he said, feeling deeply relaxed and drowsy, hislimbs oddly heavy. He took a deep breath and blinked a few times. Ithad to be the stress, he decided. Julia wanted to ruin him as a man.Wasn't that enough to stress out anybody? And then there was Juliahumiliating him in public, dressing him like a girl!He thought back to yesterday, to the shopping trip she had ordered himon. She made him get groceries right after dropping her off at work. Itwas still fresh in his mind, the shame and panic he had experiencedstill very real. He could hardly believe he had actually done it, hadgone out in public dressed in women's clothing, sissified, wearing nailpolish no less. He only hoped nobody he knew saw him. There was no wayto know. He had kept his head down the entire time, in a panic,teetering through the isles in high heels,. I had to learn to be awoman and a wife - somebody that he would be proud to call his.Somebody who could offer him everything that a woman could, even if thatdid not include his children. After all, it would be too much to expectthat God might gift me a womb.But I prayed that just that change might be brought about by a miracle,always in the knowledge that the Lord does not grant miracles often. Itis more likely that He will lay out a path and then give me the strengthto make the changes myself, to the extent that modern science can allow.But there was a sign. I was visited by an older woman in our flock whohad told me that she had decided that fighting old age was vanity andshe would be destroying her HRT pills. I knew what those were. She hada stack and I asked her to give them to me. I thanked God for what Hehad done for me. He had placed in my hands the power to feminizemyself.My Ministry had been my life to that point, but somehow that seemed oflittle importance to me,.
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