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To tell you the truth, I had been a little surprised by how many of our friends were already going to University this year. I knew that some of them were older than me, but it sure had surprised me how many of them were gone by now.My sister was still at home for now, but after my Birthday, she would also go away for University, and it surprised me how it made me feel. I couldn't put my finger on it back then, but looking back now, it sure was the end of an era for me.On Sunday the 10th of September, my mother had organized a surprise party for me. Well, I had reached the age of 18, and I was now, legally, considered an adult.I was of course happy that I had turned 18, because it would open up a lot of things to me that I couldn't do when I was still considered a minor. However, it also meant that I had to look out for cops even more when I was doing my naughty games. Well, if I still would do them of course. Because, without Illiana around, I hadn't thought about doing any dares. When every kiss tastes of ashes and every touch burns, when every word falls on their hearts like a knife and in their bellies like a sickness. When I pass the elderly on the street, I see a companion. Fifty years older than me, yes. But I have been there. I know them. When I see the young, I feel lost. What is there in the world that could cause anyone, anywhere, to laugh like that? What is there in the world which could cause anyone, anywhere, to care so damn much? I see the happiness and the abandon, and I remember my own as if I only read about it in a story or watched it in a film. None of that really happened to me. I never loved like that. I was never touched like that. I never felt that. I would give almost anything to feel the first push under my bones. Almost anything to hear him whisper ‘honeypie’, or ‘dollface’, or the one who called me ‘sugar’, and especially the one who simply said my name as if it were more holy than God. When I see the young ones, with the sweat.
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