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99 a bottle for me to consume. But, don't worry, because in amongst all the letters, I've found a little story that someone has sent in. Yes, it's on lined paper, and, yes, it is written in crayon, and, yes, the handwriting is all individual letters with none of them joined up, but really, I don't think that any of us have the right to be too judgemental about such an infantile presentation. So, and this is exciting because they're words I've never had to utter before, let's go 'to the story'.Once upon a time in a land far, far away there lived a Princess. But she wasn't one of those waiting to be found by a handsome Prince, Princesses, or even a Princess with a desire to kiss slimy amphibians. No, she was an already married Princess just like Princess Margaret or Princess Diana.Just like Margo and Di, our Princess had discovered that she had betrothed herself to an Austin Allegro of a Prince and rather than live happily ever after was spending her days wandering across to the used. ’‘Truly, but how many dance till we reach Tortuga?’ asked a voice. ‘I reckon two weeks from Sunday, if all holds well.’‘I can’t wait till we’ve landed in blessed Tortuga, bless all the ‘Brethren of the Coast’!’‘Aye,’ said one voice eagerly ‘All the lassies of Tortuga best watch out when The Penance lands. I can’t wait to make them all my acquaintances.’‘For sooth, I would take that tiny wench Miss Breckenridge right ‘er had the Captain not been so protective of her.’ ‘Aye, aye, I’d give her a good romping alright.’ Laughs ensued.I crept on a bit disgusted by their mentioning of me, but I had learned that Tortuga was our next port and within a few weeks. As I walked down the hallway of the cabins I neared the Captain’s cabin–a dead end. As I was turning to withdraw from my room Captain Anthrop stepped out arrayed only in his boots, trousers, sword belt and plain white shirt, and looked at me with a quirky stare.‘Ah Miss Breckenridge.’ said he ‘What brings you here, so far away from.
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