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I was a mess. I wanted to be a good mother but I was so sensitive, I couldn’t nurse Alyssa without crying from the pain. When I started getting irritable to boot, well…Mark took to giving Alyssa her formula and changing her more often than I did and walking around with her in his arms when she fussed. I don’t think I got up a single time at 2:00 AM for her feeding, it was always my baby girl’s wonderful father. I know now how special that was. Girls I talk to say they’d have given their left foot if their man would have done that even once or twice a week when their babies were small. Doctor Jamison says my hormones probably got messed up too. I know I didn’t want Mark to touch me for the longest time. When I did, he didn’t notice at first and it took forever for us to get back together. Even when we did, it seemed like I was still kind of holding back but I’m not sure I have memories of that or whether I just recognize it in retrospect. Then I let that idiot Brian seduce me and. I knew they would expose most of my breast, barely covered by that nothing wisp of a bra I had on. I held my breath, my face turned from his, as he undid the next buttons. When he had me completely unbuttoned, he quickly swept both sides of my shirt aside, totally exposing my torso. My reaction was to turn my head directly toward him, looking both at my breast encased in the filmy cloth and at his face, all in a second. My breast was as I expected, full and overflowing.His face was something else altogether, his scornful look having turned very soft, absolutely appreciative of what he saw. "Wow!" He said gently, and that was all. It was amazing that under my present circumstance, that one little word coupled with the look on his face sent a little shiver down me. Not a cold shiver, but one that started down low and stopped way up high.Leaning over me, he began a steady attack of kisses, first nibbling around the very top of the bra where my nipples were slightly exposed then up to.
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