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Every doctor we saw had a different opinion. My mother gave us the best advice. She said just accept you as you are and love you more. We’ve tried to do that.”“I know. Listen, do you think we could get both families together and talk about me and Alex. If we go forward, we’re going to need the love and support of both families. I want to finish college and so does she. Maybe I want to marry her. I don’t know yet. We just can’t be totally responsible for our lives for a few years yet.”He got up and hugged me close. “Mike, you don’t need to worry. That’s what families are for. You and Alex both have full scholarships since both sets of parents are university employees. You both can live here at home. Maybe you could live with Alex’s family. You don’t need to worry. Just see where your relationship with her goes. I know you. I know you’ll do the right thing with her.”“Well, talk to Mom. I’ll get Alex to talk to her parents. One weekend, let’s get both families together and talk. I’ll. . that’s not accurate; there was somebody I HAD to tell it to. In the restaurant, I moved closer to him, so nobody would hear; and I’m sure if anybody looked at us, they thought we were ... um ... intimate. I talked and talked, my voice low and my face close to his. I told him about when I was as a young teenager ... about how I couldn’t wait for Mom to go out and leave me alone in the house ... about how I would think of ways to tie myself up, just so I could feel what it was like to be helpless. I told him about how I’d fantasize that I was at the mercy of an intruder. I told him about how I had ordered a set of handcuffs through the internet, and how I was so nervous until they’d arrived that I threw up once ... about how I’d relive the feelings in my bed at night and masturbate. I told him about the close calls I had sometimes ... hearing mom drive up to the house, and how I would frantically get myself free from my self-induced bondage before she could catch me. He kissed me.
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