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I could flip through some profiles, stare at cocks, but as far as truly liking men, more than just in the moment? I had made little real progress. Thinking of men as more than what their cocks could provide me was proving difficult, and my goal here was to totally, utterly and completely gay. Homos didn't have sex with girls, or have girlfriends, they had sex with men and had boyfriends. While I was still having thoughts about girls, the idea of having a boyfriend made me painfully erect. Sex could be just sex. But having a relationship with a man? It had been too difficult to think about at first, but a little bit of weed helped jump that hurdle. Thinking of all the times I had thought about having a girlfriend, what it'd be like and the complete opposite I was making of my reality. I knew I wouldn't have a boyfriend for quite a while if only because I wanted to sleep around quite a lot, being tied down wouldn't help with that. But being able to feel for a man, like I had for women?. ’ She smiled at this then opened her mouth to speak. ‘And I don’t mean bullshit. The truth.’ ‘Okay.’ Our waitress breezed in and took our orders. Marissa ordered some chicken dish I couldn’t stand and I opted for California rolls and soba noodles. The waitress exited silently. ‘Of all the reasons to come back you come back to take my job?’ ‘Your job? Paul, really?’ My eyes bore into her like lasers. ‘I see why you might think that, but –‘ ‘You were under me the last time you worked for this firm.’ ‘Walsh knows that. He was brought in eight months after I left. What he certainly doesn’t know is how often I was under you.’ ‘Our affair was a mistake.’ I never thought I would say it. Even in the months after Marissa left when I was hurting like no other time in my life. I didn’t regret our time together. Here and now, having her use it against me made me want to take every sweaty, decadent moment back. ‘I should have kept our relationship professional. My mistake.’ I looked at Marissa..
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