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Its like we all made this unspokenagreement to not mention what happened, but to go on as though life wasperfectly normal. My step-dad actually seems a little wary of mybrother, so maybe that's what we've needed to do all along - kick hisbutt, and then he'd leave us alone. *****Have I mentioned yet how much I HATE getting erections? Most of thetime, I can almost pretend I dont have male bits, but when I get hard,its impossible to ignore, and it sucks, big time. I can't explain itright, but it just feels so WRONG somehow. Sometimes, the only way I canface the day is to pretend my clothes are girl clothes and that nobodynotices or minds. That's one of my big fantasies at night, to imagineI'll wake up as a girl and just have a normal day as one. I just dowhatever I would normally be doing, except I'm female. Then the guilthits, and I try and beat back the fantasy. I'm so tired of thisstruggle.******I know I don't write a lot about school, its cause I really don't have alot to say. It. " He ... he was going to hurt me!" Melissa said in defense, still not understanding how in the world she had hurt him.The girl's demeanor changed. "He tried to hurt you? Shit. What did he try?" No he didn't hurt me," Melissa said completely missing the meaning of the words. "He was going to. I know he was, so I told him I'd heard it all before, and told him to leave."The girl stood there for a minute and then shook her head in disbelief. She took a deep breath and sighed."Are you really that stupid?"Now Melissa was mad. No one called her stupid. They may call her a lot of names, but stupid was not one of them."No, I'm not stupid! You're just like your brother. Mean. Mean, mean, mean," Melissa said and then started to cry."Hell," the girl said. "First my bother and now you. Why the tears? Fucking babies, the lot of freshmen these days. Look if you think some guy is going to hurt you, you can't just ask him to go away. Didn't you take any of those defensive classes they give?"Melissa.
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