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Everyday that goes by, I know that I have only hastily tried to patch my world together and keep moving forward, but that I am carrying a flame for someone else. Even if you are secretly laughing at me, I’ve been warned before that I am not truly happy with the one who loves me. I am safer in this world to stay with him, though. The logical thought that I am wrong about the things I feel for you interferes with my desire to take a leap of faith. Faith in true love. Faith in a loving God. Faith that as I have wished – that we would someday meet again, and that we would one day become one, again – you have also wished… I can remember the way you soothed away my fears, my tears, and my hopelessness. I remember when we would stand together among classmates or churchmates, and we did not care what they thought about us. I remember your fingers wiping away tears that I could never explain. You made me want to live. I remember your kiss more than anything else. The memory of way your tongue. He is small, but how big was I? Misses dresssizes also vary between brands. Sometimes I wear a six and sometimes aneight. Girl's dresses probably were the same. Could I take him into thedressing room to try it on? Would they let a boy try on dresses?Probably not, if they knew. Do they have to know? He looked like a girlwhen I dressed him in my tank top. It was too skimpy even for a littlegirl to wear in public. She'd flash her panties, no matter how carefulshe was; but, with a little styling of his hair and some unisex clothes,like shorts, a plain top and sneakers, he could probably pass for mydaughter.I remembered that a couple of months ago I had mixed some of his whiteunderwear in with the dark wash and they had come out tinted pink. I hadbeen meaning to get some Clorox to try bleaching them, but hadn't gottenaround to it. They should still be in the laundry room. I went in,rummaged around the odd clothing pile, socks that didn't match, but whichI optimistically.
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