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I didnt want Jason getting seriously drunk again so I suggested he slow down a bit. That just pissed him off again. It was obvious he really didnt want me being there. I had worked up a bit of a sweat with all my hiking and really needed to bathe, but the river was freezing cold. One of the guys had brought along a bush shower, thats just a canvas bag that you hang from a tree and fill with water. It has a shower head attached to it but the water doesnt last long so you have to be quick. The shower was out in the open off to the side of our campsite, so I went into our tent and changed into my swimsuit. It was a tiny little white bikini which I had worn many times at the beach with hundreds of other bathers. Somehow it was different wearing it here, where I was the only one in a swimsuit, and nine guys were watching me shower. I discreetly turned away as I lifted my bikini top and washed underneath. I could feel all eyes watching me, as I put my soapy hand inside my bikini bottoms,. We sat down and picked up the controllers. We began to play. It felt good to relax and not worry about sex.Who am I kidding? I worried constantly. I expected to lean over and kiss his cock each time he scored, suck him when he destroyed a tank, fondle his big balls when he blew me out of a house, but there was none of that. We just played the game and had a good time. I was always, though, aware of sitting beside him naked.I had to look up the word to describe how I felt sitting there beside him ... two words actually: emasculated and effeminate. Not feminine. Feminine implies being soft, fertile, girlish, emotional. Effeminate is how a boy feels when he abandons his masculinity, cedes authority, accepts dominance from someone who is manly and assured. That said, you'd think being emasculated would wilt my puny erection the way it did my libido, but just the opposite: my hard-on raged embarrassingly, mockingly strong. I jumped when he reached over and squeezed it.You know, you cum.
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