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I could not find the words to do so.Finally he moved closer and leaned in toward me. For a second I wondered if he was going to kiss me and I didn’t know how I felt about that. But the kiss never came. Instead I followed his eyes as they fell to my lap, where his hands began calmly unfastening my trousers. I did not stir, but simply remained sat in the same position. Not because I was too shocked to stop him, but because I could think of no reason to do so.I felt a stirring inside. Not quite one of arousal, but more of curiosity as I watched Christian in silence. His movements were composed but concentrated. He undid the top button, again pausing to check my reaction. This time I nodded ever so slightly and gave him a little smile to signal my willingness. Male or not, Christian’s eagerness intrigued me. That he was so attracted to me really played on my vanity, and the fact that he himself was attractive did not hurt his cause either. In addition to welcoming this curious new. He told me he loved me and told him that I loved him too.Lovemaking with Sammy was exhausting, both physically and mentally. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, it did. I never knew what to expect next, what to anticipate or how to respond. He supplied all the variety I needed. I was fulfilled, sexually and couldn't imagine ever going to bed with anyone else. I was consumed with my love for him and wanted to know everything about him. To me, his journal was the key to unlocking the dark place within him that he alluded to.The next morning Sammy gave me the password to his journal and over the next few visits, I devoured his words. I read his journal every chance I got, while he was playing tennis and sometimes when he slept.Getting to know Sammy Oldham through his journal was not easy. It was not organized. He wrote when the urge struck him, not on a regular schedule. It was clear that he never intended for anyone else to read it. Random thoughts were intermingled with.
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