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[Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I'vespent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I alwaysknew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think aman is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.DAY 36I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was sobright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart wasbeating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.I had to use the self-checkout, and I kept worrying that someone wouldsee me with it. What would I say? But it was so thrilling to own it, likethe first day I shaved my legs. I tried it on when I got home and Ilooked ridiculous but it made me so happy I cried. It's called "StoplightRed."DAY 39Told Dr. [Name Redacted] about my new diagnosis. She said it shouldn'taffect the study, and in fact my participant status meant I could getshortlisted for HRT. They'd just add it to my. The only fantasies Carl has involve lesbians." Do they let him in on the action?" I asked. She nodded. "Then they're not lesbians. They're bi. No 'real' lesbian would let a guy anywhere near her." So why do guys like girl-on-girl?" Because it's hot." She punched me in the shoulder."No really ... Why do guys think that's hot?" Do you want the psycho-babble answer or my opinion?" Your opinion."I thought for a second. "Because girls are hot. Ow! I'm not being flippant! What's better than having a bunch of girls at once? Plus, we're more voyeuristic than you girls. That's why guys like watching porn; even if we're not the ones having the sex, we can live vicariously through the guys in the movies." So why do guys like watching girls having sex with each other?" I couldn't see where she was going with this."Because we know we couldn't possible satisfy more than one girl at a time," I laughed. "Sometimes we can't even satisfy one girl, much less two or more." Why don't guys ever think.
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