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I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Lyle. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" Not exactly," Sven says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."This one is compliments of RabbiRabbit1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing.I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.2. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did.She's 25, and her name's Candy.3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50.It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.4. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three. "It's ok, go sit on the couch and relax, i'll take care of this don't worry" she said in a caring motherly voice, as if I were only a few years old and just had an accident.As I walked past her to get inside, she gave me a sweet caress on my arm which was quite a relief from the awkwardness around me.I don't know why but I had not put my pants back on, probably because I was too nervous and didn't want to spend more time there at the moment. My sweaty skin was sticking to the leather couch, it was actually soothing. Just as I had grabbed the remote and turned on the TV, my mother walked into the room, surprisingly also not wearing anything."The evidence has been removed!" she said, trying to hold in a laughter."Mom, i'm really really sorry about what happened back there...I jus-"What do you mean? I just watched what seemed to be something every teenager does at that age...relieve some pressure, I just find it wonderful how we are so close and can share our intimate moments with each.
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