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For the most part, it was more about curiousity and naughtiness. It was scary and exciting. At first, I felt more like it was happening around me. Something that others were doing, not me. I just happened to be around it. I think though, that I was making excuses. There was a part of me that tried to justify what I was doing and why. Over time though I stopped fooling myself.If I'm honest with myself, I got into it simply for the attention and to be desired. I'm not being overly critical of myself, just honest, when I say I'm a very plain looking person. Nothing wrong with it, simply the way some of us are. The spots I went to were visited by either gay men or straight/bi men. The gay men of course had no interest in me. The bi men though, many of them were my age and older. Many were married. Many had a non existent sex life at home. Almost all kept what they did quiet and were just as worried about people who knew them finding out. So although it was scary it also felt safe in a. To Paul's way of thinking, Mark could have prepared him a bit more for meeting these people. He had given no hint about her, about her astonishing beauty, about her maturity, her intelligence, or anything. Mark had only said that he had escorted this girl to her high school prom because some boy had given her a really bad time.Maybe if Mark had given him a little heads up, he would not have been so tongue tied when they were introduced, or possibly, he would not have stared at her for the entire drive to the supper club. What was it about this girl that he had chosen to telephone her the next day, and the day after, and the day after that as well. He had never done that before, never! A date was a date, and the day after was a different day. That's how it had always been in college. What changed? What did Mark say about spending time with Debbie, that he felt completely relaxed and disarmed, or something like that?Paul had never just called a girl to talk, just to talk and see how.
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