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I also knew that Eva and I would probably never have sex again. Jake didn't leave town all that often. He also ran his business from his back yard office so you could never be sure where he was during the day. The sex had been nice with Eva but as far as I was concerned it was a one time affair.Eva did drive me back to school, giving me a chaste kiss on the cheek when she dropped me off. "Bye Jimmy." Good night Eva. See you next Sunday?" She nodded her head and drove off as soon as I closed the passenger door.I kibitzed with my roommate Derek for a bit before turning in early. I described the little black girl I had met on the train to him but he didn't seem to know her. I was tired and had an early class on Monday.I didn't seen Lynn until Tuesday night at our study group. It took two days to get Jake's truck back on the road. We went to the coffee shop after the group broke up. On the way back Lynn pulled me into Our Alley for one of her kneeling blow jobs. As she worked my hard cock. What you lose is the ability to give or withhold that part of yourself freely. It is a piece of you that has been pulled out. This has nothing to do with acts of sex or the stigmas many attach to them. Or maybe it does. Sometimes it is hard for me to understand the things I feel and the reasons why I do. Before long, you just go numb and begin to exist in some half-life stupor, less vivid than a dream, but more tangible in the details that stick. By the time the fog lifts, you feel like you have gone through death and been reborn into a world with such encompassing darkness that there is nothing beyond to encourage even a prayer for release. Then time goes by. That is the best way I can describe it. Diyu.In the beginning, I turned my loathing toward the lewd worms even more than to Andre or Lijuan, our manager. But now I realize they are not worth the emotion. They are as different from each other as a gathering of family members or any other collection of individuals you can.
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