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“It might not work for you,” I admitted. “But it’s what got me through those days. I had one person that stuck with me through all of that. She cared for me when no one else did. That helped me a lot.”“So, you weren’t completely alone,” she said.“Emma was my friend,” I told her. “We’d meet up once a week and hang out for a bit. She knew I was drowning in pain, so she went out of her way to give me something to laugh about as often as she could manage it. Three or four hours a week. Between her classes, that’s what she had to spare, and she gave it without hesitation. She saved my life more times than she’ll ever know. The day I asked Lana to kill me, she talked me into telling her where I was, came and got me, warmed me up, and promised me that she wouldn’t tell anyone where I was, so that I could have a chance to calm down and get it under control.”She nodded. “Becky mentioned how miserable you were,” she admitted. “I really am sorry that I was such a shitty friend to you last. As I've implied, I was a virgin myself and my knowledge of female sexuality was entirely theoretical, but everything about her was telling me she was not physically ready for sex; her vulva tightly closed."Move over," I told her. That would make her close her legs."But..."I physically pushed her nearest leg and slid onto the bed next to her as she shuffled over. I slipped my arm under her neck and pulled her against me. I was fairly sure ... almost certain ... I knew what the main problem was. Okay, maybe she was genuinely concerned I didn't think her attractive, but that wasn't why she was scared ... She was scared because her uncle had forced her to have sex without preparation or any concern for her comfort, let alone pleasure. She was expecting it to hurt and I was sure she was only doing it to try to make sure of my interest.Don't think I wasn't tempted to just go ahead; first time in bed with a naked young woman? An attractive-to-me woman? Oh, yes. I wanted her all right. But.
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