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I said, quietly, “Wear something pretty for me.” He smiled and told me he had something in mind already.Nate arrived at the agreed time. Now on the surface we looked like a couple of regular Joes; Nate wore a light sweater and jeans, I wore a knit golf shirt that was quite loose. You could see a hint of chest under both of our loose tops. I showed him in and we sat at the snack bar, where I’d put out some chips and then I got out a couple of beers. I moved my stool right next to his and he reached over and put his hand on my leg. I put my arm around his waist.I asked, “I’m dying of curiosity, what are you wearing under that sweater?” He smiled and said he would show me directly. I pulled down my shirt collar enough that he could see the shoulder straps to my bra, which were black lace. “You know,” he said, “I love seeing a man with sexy undies on, with a big cock lump filling out his panties.”“Me too, or better yet with his cock sticking out of them.” He slid his hand up. I am getting tired. So tired in fact I've contemplating ending it all here. But no...no I can't do it here. There are too many people it would hurt so I have to stay until it's my time to go. I only want to kill myself, not end other peoples lives. Diary maybe you can't give me the answers but I wish someone could. I have never had a time in my life where I haven't had a good memory...But that's all it ever is; a memory. Nothing solid or right in front of me. I can remember times I had laughed and what not. Tried to be a good and faithful best friend. Tried to find a way to make things better. Maybe I just try too hard I mean, lord knows I try. But all I have are my memories. No one stays with me long, in fact, I've never been able to keep a friend for more then four years. I know that seems like a short time considering I'm not very old but I already feel the weight of this self loathing. I don't want it any more. Sorry Diary I have to cut it short. Someone’s knocking on my door. I.
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