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Almost as soon as we arrived I began kindergarten, and it was obvious that I just did not fit in. There were a few other Chinese speakers, mostly the children of grad students like myself, but the only one I really formed a bond with was an introverted girl who would later give me my first inkling that I might not be a 100% normal heterosexual. In lieu of a social life I threw myself into my studies, but we were required to be outside "playing" during recess, so I had to find other ways to pass my time. That's how I learned to watch, and watching is how I really saw power dynamics for the first time. There is a wonderfully complex hierarchy among schoolchildren with its own codes and shibboleths; it's just fluid enough to make it ever changing, but just solid enough that it can be understood and delineated. Those were unhappy times for me, but fortunately I had never been happy enough to realize how miserable I was.I've long since forgotten how I learned about actual sex; I only know. ”“But you’ll dance with Kristin as if you were inside the same set of clothes?”“I was reasonably sure she wouldn’t freak out from doing that,” I said. “With you I’m concerned.”“You’re going to sleep with her again, aren’t you?” Angie said accusingly.“Whether I do that or not is between Kristin and me,” I said gently but firmly. “You don’t really have a say in the matter.”Angie’s face clouded showing me just how upset she was, but there really wasn’t anything I could do about it. Angie believed she could control who I slept with, but there was only one way she could do that, and at this stage, I didn’t believe she was ready for anything like a relationship and wasn’t convinced that she could make any promises for the long term, and might never be able to.Angie didn’t say another word, but turned and walked away from me, and out of the room. I thought about following her, but there wasn’t anything I could say to her at this point. I checked my watch and saw I had about thirty minutes.
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