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. I did notice that ashok was extra bit shy in touching my arms during ceremonies and avoided as far as possible any physical contact with me.. though doubts arose in my mind I kept quiet for the sake of my steve who had taken so much pains to get my life to settle with him..A day after our marriage when I was about be to be sent to ashok’s house, I broke down and cried bitterly to leave my new found family with whom I had become so much attached like I knew them for more than decades.. Shirley and swathi consoled me and told me that they would be in regular touch with me and this was not the end of our relationship.. steve accompanied till the bride groom s house and while he was leaving , I couldn’t control my tears and went and hugged him and cried on his shoulders.. he was controlling his emotions strongly with a mask like face but in his eyes I had seen that he would also miss me more than I would miss him..He gently caressed my head and kissed me my forehead once.. he assured. "But by lunch, Iwas sure that nobody could tell." Were you disappointed, or relieved?"That question stopped me dead in my tracks. How could she ask such athing. Of course I was relieved. Wasn't I? Didn't I want this to be ourlittle secret? Surely I didn't want to have to explain to anybody that Iwas experimenting with my gender."I can tell by the look on your face that that wasn't as simple aquestion as I thought," she said."It isn't that I wanted to get caught," I offered."But you enjoyed the riskiness." Yes." How would you have felt if somebody spotted your high-beams?" Marissaasked as she slid her hands under my jacket to feel my chest through allthe other layers."Hmmmm?" How would you feel if your secretary saw you being a little girly? Whatabout the other guys?" She asked again, continuing to rub my chest. Myhands moving to her hips."It really isn't any of their business," I replied."That's not an answer," Marissa said. "I am curious about your feelings." I don't really know," I.
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