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She just glowed. “Oh good. You’re here,” she said. Once inside she gave me a kiss. “Oh, you remember me,” I said. She reached to pinch my stomach in her grasp, teasing and I jumped, laughed.She stood still as if waiting for me to act, do or say something. I kind of shyly raised my eyes and said, “Hi Candy Lady,” with a smile.[Way in the back of my mind of course]Before I started down to the basement,” Would you mind if I used your phone for just a second, please?” “Certainly, please do.” I called my wife. I told her I’d be running late and this was the norm to let her know I was okay. Then we proceeded down steps to the old heat monster in the basement. But before starting down I asked if she would please turn the heat all the way up. “All the way?” “Please, yes. I’ll remind you to turn it back down before I leave.”When in the basement I went to try the reset button function on what was called the primary control, the box controlling the oil burner in conjunction with the thermostat.. Stop beating yourself up so much. It’s OK to be a fucking man sometimes, you know?’ **********
 It was 3 days later at my yoga class when the monster first woke up. When I realized something was very wrong. When I took that first step down a path that would shatter everything I ever thought about who I was, what I wanted and what I was capable of. If you’ve ever been through a divorce, you know I was a wreck. I’d spent the last few nights dangerously drunk, reveling in denial and texting Sarah every stupid, weak and toxic thing a man can send to a woman who doesn’t respect him and doesn’t want him anymore. And dear fucking God I had a headache. At the time I thought it was just stress or something. I mean, they say getting divorced is right up there with losing a child or getting diagnosed with a terminal illness as far as what it puts you through. Divorce doesn’t just steal what you have now, it steals the future you thought was yours from the moment you said ‘I do.’ But anyway, I.
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