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I'd need to feel his hunger for me in order to achieve completionmyself. That is how sissies are trained, how our brains are re-wired.Just our brains, not our souls, not who we are. That takes much longerto change.When I was a new sissy, I'd get away from a man as quickly as possibleafter mutual orgasms. I'd take my money and flee back to my apartmentwhere I'd cry myself to sleep and wait for the cock hunger to take meover again. The cycle would go on for weeks, then months, then years,hunger, satisfaction, self-loathing, then back to hunger.One day, it didn't quite happen like that. One day, after my date came,and after I came, I stayed in his bed. He held me and chatted about hiswork, nothing in particular really. I liked it. I was good at listeningto him. I wanted to. I felt his need to talk, and I nodded my head andlaughed at the right moments and eventually he dozed off, his arm stillaround me.I feel asleep like that. I felt quite wonderful when I woke up.Satisfied in a new. It's scary being in the same room with them. Usually I want to see a game and Helen drags me off to some place she wants to go. Sometimes she gets me to do things in front of her friends just to show that she has power over me. Last week at a party she had me act stupid in front of my friends." Mark, are you her puppet to dance as she wants or the co-pilot with her as the pilot and both of you going somewhere?" She used to love me, I think, but now I'm more her puppet."I changed the topic by asking, "What do you want to do in life?"He stopped his thoughts of Helen and said, "Probably work with my dad. He owns a small electrical company." Do you like wiring?" It'll be a job." What are your hobbies?" Sports mostly. I like cars. I used to go camping. I went to church t — " I'm not judging you Mark. What did you do at church?" When I was a stupid kid, I sang in the choir." Can you play an instrument?"He didn't answer. "Mark you're putting up a phoney wall and hiding behind it. I'm not.
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