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It was not long enough, he was soon taken from us. During thatinterim, my doctors told me something that I never told him. I was notsure he could bear it, I knew he was going to die anyway, and he was sohappy with you, and I knew he would love you no matter what but I didn'twant to spoil his dream of having a, "little Butch" in the world, alittle mister Mullens to carry on the family name." So I don't get it...?" I shouted. "I could still carry on the familyname, right?"Another long pause."The hospital had done routine tests, they were of course concernedabout effects of my cancer treatment but we were all relieved to see youlooking so normal...but the tests showed us something unexpected. Youhad a penis and testicles, but no Y chromosome. You were completely XX,a genetic girl. The only thing masculine about you were the secondarysex characteristics. The medication I had taken had affected my systemat the precise moment when your sex characteristics were formed, butyour basic. ’ We lay together in each others arms as we say goodbye not wanting to break our embrace because we both know that when this moment is over that will be the end, but like everything in life there has to be an end and I wish it didn’t have to be so hard but everything ends badly otherwise it would never end. Paul has gone and I’m left weeping on my bed mentally kicking myself for being such a fool but you see when you’ve had your heart broken you do stupid things, things you wouldn’t normally do and recovering is a long and painful process. I didn’t want to get my heart broken again I didn’t think I would be able to live through it again and so I had to make sure I made the right decision but in the process I made a lot of mistakes and I take full responsibility for them which is why I have to go back to Tom to take responsibility for my mistakes and have my baby. The phone rings beside me and I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath before I answer. ‘Hello.’ ‘Steph it’s me.’ ‘Oh Mike.’ I.
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