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I have agonized about this moment for a very long time. I also have even fantasized about it. I know I will stumble through it so please promise you’ll let me get it all out before you interrupt me. And promise you won’t judge me harshly by what I am going to say. Its how I feel and I’m not sure how it happened. Promise me - Please?” “I promise” I responded “ and you know I care about you way too much to be judgmental when it comes to you and me! There is nothing you could do or say that would make me change how I feel about you. I love you!” “I know – but maybe not like this.” I could tell she was nervous – or maybe even afraid. She was clenching her hands like she used to do when she was younger and her neck and cheeks were flushed. And what the hell was “like this”? “OK. I am trusting you with this. I mean really trusting you! Here goes…. I am not a virgin – no secret to you – at least in the final act sense. But I am mentally – what I mean is there has been absolutely no intense. She hadn't been too crazy about it when Mark was alive, and yet without its minute drip, drip, drip she had swiftly--within months--become as famished for it as a drunk crossing the Mojave Desert on his knees under a blazing sun.And then suddenly she had come to take greater notice of young boys.Somehow they always seemed to have so much more vitality than grown men. Continually leaping about, chewing gum, unable to sit still, veritable reservoirs of unused energy. They appeared swift, like the chattering of birds, and equally as mysterious. She came to study them with undisguised and illicit interest.Until finally she had seen Billy Erspamer, the boy from next door.Five months ago he had only been fourteen, yet his wiry form and smiling, curly-headed handsomeness had quite taken her breath away. He was put together like a fine china figurine, all lines, planes and angles, without a molecule of fat on his muscular young body. She had been quite fascinated, and was constantly peeping.
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